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Intimacy coordinator Ita O’Brien has been working with filmmakers in Hollywood since 2017. She boasts a long list of credits including scripted series like I May Destroy You, Normal People, Sex Education, Watchmen, Conversations with Friends, and Master of None. O’Brien, a leader at the forefront of her industry, said she hasn’t heard much of anything about her role translating onto unscripted productions, but that the possibilities for improvement could be “endless.”

“It is really interesting, this question of the duty of care that’s put in place for people who offer themselves up personally in the service of entertainment and how those people are taken care of in that place,” O’Brien told Rolling Stone. “I know producers do have a duty of care and they do have things put in place, but I do think it would be an exciting place to continue to explore.”

O’Brien emphasized that film sets are people’s workspaces and should be treated as such. There’s been an incredible shift in the entertainment industry with the development of intimacy guidelines, and she said she’d love to see the same done for reality TV. Sometimes, according to O’Brien, “in the adrenaline of the moment you think everything’s fine,” but the aftermath can feel differently.

Intimacy is a powerful and valuable storytelling tool, but it requires a great deal of care and can become problematic if not handled properly. When Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan’s film 50 Shades of Grey came out in 2015, it created a great deal of buzz around its steamy sex scenes and encouraged healthy conversations about kinks and consent—even though the film’s portrayal of such as been criticized by some experts. 

Intimacy is a complex concept. At the 2023 Sundance Film Festival, intimacy coordinator Ita O’Brien, author Lisa Taddeo (Three Women, Ghost Lover) and Barry Jenkins (Producers, All Dirt Roads Taste of Salt, Moonlight), participated in a frank discussion about what intimacy looks like in artistic collaboration and how to navigate a space of great closeness in a professional environment. 

When talking about intimacy, we’re not just talking about sex. “There are different levels of intimacy,” said Jenkins at the panel. “It’s important to break down and distinguish the levels and kinds of sexual, spiritual, intellectual and emotional intimacy that exist and what they look like on screen.”

Last Dance is the first post-#MeToo Magic Mike. It contends male strippers help women feel empowered. An entire dance is set to the song “Permission.” “We wanted to reflect the conversation that we’re hearing,” says Soderbergh.

Because sex scenes have long been made by and for men, studios may fear that sexy movies are inherently sexist movies. Revelations like Maria Schneider’s story of feeling violated while filming Last Tango in Paris changed the way Hollywood shoots a sex scene. Filming safely now involves hiring an intimacy coordinator to choreograph the scene and ensure the actors’ comfort…

There’s more sex on TV than ever. The high schoolers on HBO’s Euphoria are having messy sex, joyless sex, and, occasionally, satisfying sex. White Lotus interrogated the interplay of desire, money, and power. On Netflix’s Sex Education teens explore their urges and sexuality. “Television for decades had to contend with standards and practices and pretty strict censorship,” says Kidman. “With streaming, there’s no ratings, no limitations.” TV has also broken out of the bounds of the straight, white relationships that still dominate film… 

Intimacy coordinator Ita O’Brien, who was on set for Last Dance, says it can be hard to tell a tale of intimacy in a two-hour format. She points to Hulu’s Normal People, which she also worked on, about young people who fall in and out of bed with each other as their circumstances shift. “Can you imagine that being a film?” asks O’Brien. “Twelve episodes allow you the chance to get at the depth, the complexity, the intensity of that relationship.” Similarly, Michaela Coel’s I May Destroy You needs six hours to explore the gray areas of consent.

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With all the steamy scenes in Dangerous Liaisons, work was cut out for the intimacy coordinator. “Intimate scenes are hard for everyone. For directors, it is wonderful to feel that they can focus on the story that is being told through the intimate scene, without worrying about the logistics.”

It is reassuring for the cast to have a safe space, Harriet adds. “The role of an intimacy coordinator is not only to coordinate the scene, but to make sure that people feel heard and they are comfortable with what they are doing. We were very lucky with Ita O’Brien who did an incredible job and was key to the show.”

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When filming began in February this year, Ward and Colman’s differing processes dovetailed neatly. Ward “had done a lot of work to understand Stephen — I knew the text and was super-prepared”. Colman “is incredibly raw — we go to set and read it once or twice, and she just knows it. It’s electric.”

The production brought in intimacy co-ordinator Ita O’Brien (TV’s Sex Education) to guide the duo through several sex scenes. “It felt like a dance routine,” says Ward. “We would do counts — ‘and one, and two’. If you were getting too invested to the point where I’m becoming Micheal rather than Stephen, you just go back to the counts. It’s quite magical.”

This rhythm helped Colman overcome initial nerves about the scenes, which the actors again approached from differing perspectives that mirrored their characters’ emotions. “Olivia was so uncomfortable that I felt nervous for her,” remembers Ward, “so [the counts] got us to a place where we could tell the story in the most amazing way.” Conversely, Ward had few qualms about the scene where Stephen sprints naked onto an empty beach. “I’m there for the story,” he laughs. “I watched The Talented Mr. Ripley with Jude Law. He’s got an arse scene — if Jude Law can do it, I can do it mate!”

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It [True Things] feels like a radical statement, from a deceptively quiet film: not everything that goes wrong is because of some bad man. “A lot of people talk about it as a gaslighting toxic relationship. It wasn’t really – she’s the driving force. She’s the one that essentially chooses, decides to pursue him. She’s gonna get what she wants. And when she does get it, she’s, like: ‘Nah, I don’t want it.’ It’s not romantic at all,” Wilson concedes, “but it felt quite honest.”

Nor is it full of nude scenes, maybe contrary to the expectations set up by the fact that it had the same intimacy co-ordinator – Ita O’Brien – as Normal People. Wilson recalls that the director said: “I don’t really care about nudity. To me, that’s not where intimacy is. Yes, nudity is beautiful and wonderful and can be really ugly, and can be all the things you want it to be, but we’re exploring the dynamic between two people – they don’t have to be naked.”

The whole culture around sex scenes has changed a lot, even in the past couple of years. It was as recently as 2018 that Wilson left The Affair – the show, also starring Dominic West, for which she won a Golden Globe – and she’s reticent about it (citing, in the past, a non-disclosure agreement), but there were some allegations at the time of inappropriate behaviour.

Wilson says intimacy coaches have completely changed the game, too, though. “We have proper discussions: what the director is hoping to achieve, what the actors feel comfortable doing and not doing, and how do we really get that anyway? What is the scene actually trying to make happen between the two people in that moment? Because it should be as conversational as any other scene. Sex is so interesting, and so detailed, and so specific to the relationship you’re having with that person and yourself at the time within your life. It really should be as nuanced as that.”

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You really have to make sure that the space is conducive to that flow state. In acting, it’s only conducive when you’re in a safe space that allows for freedom. [Intimacy coordinator] Ita O’Brien made us a space safe, and the intimacy scenes are really beautiful because of it. And then we can leave that set and be like, “See you later. We’re done now, I’m going to go have a coffee and a hot dog.” No emotional destruction or power play. We just made some really cool stuff, and then you go home.

I’ve done a little bit of intimacy stuff in the theater world, but [an intimacy coordinator] is an incredibly welcome addition to any kind of creative space. I’m learning a lot about how a film set can be run in a respectful way. There’s so many stories—especially from Australia, where I’m from—where it’s just gone awry. I hear stories about how sets have gone to shit, or theater spaces and rehearsals have been so unsafe.

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Interview with Paul Mescal on “Lady Chatterly’s Lover“:

MESCAL: When you say, “You’re going to like it,” the class structure of it comes sharply into focus. It’s always there in the background, but that was played so well.

CORRIN: Totally, and he really got that. He spoke a lot about the tenderness in Oliver, which is something that was previously unexplored. We were like, “Wow, there’s a real depth here.” And then he was signed on and we had two weeks of rehearsals with [intimacy coordinator] Ita O’Brien.

MESCAL: Oh, nice. I know Ita well.

CORRIN: We love Ita.

MESCAL: Did she do the animal work with you?

CORRIN: Oh yeah. [Laughs] And then we also did—one of us was blindfolded and led the other outside and touched things and it was about trust and all that jazz.

MESCAL: I have an image of Emma Corrin leading Jack O’Connell blindfolded around the streets of London touching lampposts.

CORRIN: Pretty much. We had two weeks to basically chart the emotional journey for sex scenes, because we didn’t want any of them to be gratuitous.

MESCAL: Those sex scenes feel incredibly modern, and that’s what lasts with me. It’s aesthetically set in that period, but the relationship, if you took the costumes away and the way that they talk to each other sometimes—there are moments where it feels really modern. I don’t know if that dialogue is lifted from the novel.

CORRIN: It’s from the book. It’s wild. 

MESCAL: Really? Wow.

CORRIN: Yeah. He uses the word “fuck” and I’m like, I didn’t even think that word existed in the ’20s. It’s an amazingly modern book. Especially the way it talks about sex. But what helped both of us with everything was that we did the dancing in the rain scene the first week of shooting.

MESCAL: Oh whoa, what was that experience like? 

CORRIN: The most terrifying but exhilarating thing I’ve ever done in my life. There’s a lot of stuff that can be cushioned with the magic of filmmaking, but in that scene we were literally just running around naked in the rain.

MESCAL: I was like fair fucking play to you both because that’s really hard. How long did you shoot that scene for?

CORRIN: All day. The novelty really wore off by hour 11. It got really cold.

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