BY ADRIENNE WESTENFELD
You may not know Ita O’Brien’s name, but if you’re at all in the loop about prestige television, you know her work. O’Brien is a pioneer in the emerging field of intimacy coordinators, a new category of Hollywood professionals who work on film and television sets to choreograph simulated sex between actors. Yet this challenging and necessary work is so much more than choreography—it’s also a constant negotiation of consent and communication, with intimacy coordinators balancing the safety of performers alongside the vision of writers and directors. In the wake of the #MeToo movement and Hollywood’s continuing reckoning with rampant sexual misconduct, intimacy coordinators have become a fixture on film and television sets, yet O’Brien argues that the role has yet to reach a necessary point of saturation in the industry, with a long road still ahead in the way of standardizing how we keep actors safe.
O’Brien has lent her talents to projects including Normal People, The Great, Watchmen, Sex Education, and most recently, I May Destroy You, where she faced one of her most provocative and boundary-shattering assignments yet. With Chewing Gum genius Michaela Coel spearheading the project as writer, director, and star, the show centers on Arabella, a gregarious young writer in London who must question her reality and rebuild her life after she is drugged and sexually assaulted. Inspired by Coel’s own experience of suffering a sexual assault after her drink was spiked, I May Destroy You threads a breathtaking needle in depicting the messy, non-binary nature of consent, as well as in showcasing sexual encounters not often seen on television: an assault involving two men, an assault involving the removal of a condom mid-intercourse, and period sex, just to name a few. O’Brien was instrumental in bringing these scenes to life, working closely with Coel and other performers to fully and safely realize what existed on the page.
This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
O'Brien's path to becoming an intimacy coordinator started at the tender age of three, when she began training as a ballerina. She trained all the way to adulthood, working as a musical theater dancer and actor before she completed a Master of Arts in Movement Studies at the Central School of Speech and Drama. When she put on her own play in 2009, while working as a movement teacher and movement director, she began exploring processes and practices by which she could keep her actors safe as they performed intimate content. Those processes and practices grew into her Intimacy on Set Guidelines, which are increasingly becoming standard throughout the industry.
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Esquire: Tell me about your path to becoming an intimacy coordinator and developing your Intimacy on Set Guidelines.
Ita O'Brien: I taught from 2008 to 2015. I gradually honed what I taught and how I taught it, then developed guidelines, which I was asked to share with Equity in the UK in the summer of 2017. Then Weinstein happened, and the industry said, “We have to do better.” But even at that point, intimacy coordinators weren’t standard. Sex Education was the first program that employed me purely as an intimacy coordinator; they said, “We need you because of the content and the young cast.” We worked together to integrate how the process of the intimacy guidelines worked, particularly when it came to rehearsal time. When I say we need to rehearse, people always say, “You're taking up too much time.” In the early days, it was always that feeling of coming in and having to push back to get the time and space we needed.
This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
There’s some irony in people comparing intimacy coordinators to stunt coordinators. I'd say, “I need time to rehearse,” and then I’d see a note in the rehearsal schedule about a stunt rehearsal. I’d say, “That's what I need.” They would never talk about a stunt and say, “We'll give you the swords, we'll put you in front of the camera, and you'll just get on with it.” Everybody knows that's ridiculous, but that's the equivalent of what's happening with intimate content. Since April 2018, there’s been huge learning and huge development. There’s been constant professional interrogation of rewriting intimacy coordinators into the processes and protocols, but we're now consistently having the joy of acting as bystanders on amazing productions, and then producing the work safely.
ESQ: Walk me through the process of choreographing a scene with actors.
IO: This situation is best practiced before the filming event starts. The work is always about honoring the writing and the director's vision. In the case of I May Destroy You, for the scene of sexual assault in episode four, we were there with Paapa and Samson [Ajewole, who plays Malek], as well as with Sam Miller [co-director] and Michaela. Michaela kept saying, “And then this happens,” but I said, “That's not written. You've got every single detail absolutely clear, but why isn't this written?” She said, “I don’t want everybody to be reading that.” I said, “That’s what I need, and then I can give you the scene that you want.” Once we get all that detail, we can create a basic shape. What’s so important with a scene is what the positions will be. Once we know the shape, we agree on touch. Where can we touch? Where's your yes? Most importantly, where’s no? What's not in play? Once you know what body parts are in play, we walk through the scene, getting agreement and consent about positions and where to touch. We also put safety cushions in place—if you've got genital to genital contact, we'll put cushions in place so that during the rehearsal process, you’ll feel more comfortable.
It’s also about making sure that the details are right. One of the details with anal sex, for example, is the difference of legs parallel to legs in turnout. Samson would say, “It’s got to be legs in parallel.” If those details are wrong, the queer community will know. We have to make sure we’re honoring those details and getting them right. That much is all rehearsed, and then when it comes to the day on set, which is months later, I always reconnect with the director the night before, reconnect with the actors, evaluate any concerns, and reconnect with wardrobe. Back on set on the day of, it’s the same thing—touch base with the script, reread it, redefine it physically, and re-agree on consent. It’s about choreographing the beats and making sure that every single beat in the scene is honored and clocked, so that there's an absolutely clear and known physical structure. Once the performers know that and it comes time to film it, they can inject it with emotional beats.
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You may not know Ita O’Brien’s name, but if you’re at all in the loop about prestige television, you know her work. O’Brien is a pioneer in the emerging field of intimacy coordinators, a new category of Hollywood professionals who work on film and television sets to choreograph simulated sex between actors. Yet this challenging and necessary work is so much more than choreography—it’s also a constant negotiation of consent and communication, with intimacy coordinators balancing the safety of performers alongside the vision of writers and directors. In the wake of the #MeToo movement and Hollywood’s continuing reckoning with rampant sexual misconduct, intimacy coordinators have become a fixture on film and television sets, yet O’Brien argues that the role has yet to reach a necessary point of saturation in the industry, with a long road still ahead in the way of standardizing how we keep actors safe.
O’Brien has lent her talents to projects including Normal People, The Great, Watchmen, Sex Education, and most recently, I May Destroy You, where she faced one of her most provocative and boundary-shattering assignments yet. With Chewing Gum genius Michaela Coel spearheading the project as writer, director, and star, the show centers on Arabella, a gregarious young writer in London who must question her reality and rebuild her life after she is drugged and sexually assaulted. Inspired by Coel’s own experience of suffering a sexual assault after her drink was spiked, I May Destroy You threads a breathtaking needle in depicting the messy, non-binary nature of consent, as well as in showcasing sexual encounters not often seen on television: an assault involving two men, an assault involving the removal of a condom mid-intercourse, and period sex, just to name a few. O’Brien was instrumental in bringing these scenes to life, working closely with Coel and other performers to fully and safely realize what existed on the page.
This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
O'Brien's path to becoming an intimacy coordinator started at the tender age of three, when she began training as a ballerina. She trained all the way to adulthood, working as a musical theater dancer and actor before she completed a Master of Arts in Movement Studies at the Central School of Speech and Drama. When she put on her own play in 2009, while working as a movement teacher and movement director, she began exploring processes and practices by which she could keep her actors safe as they performed intimate content. Those processes and practices grew into her Intimacy on Set Guidelines, which are increasingly becoming standard throughout the industry.
...
Esquire: Tell me about your path to becoming an intimacy coordinator and developing your Intimacy on Set Guidelines.
Ita O'Brien: I taught from 2008 to 2015. I gradually honed what I taught and how I taught it, then developed guidelines, which I was asked to share with Equity in the UK in the summer of 2017. Then Weinstein happened, and the industry said, “We have to do better.” But even at that point, intimacy coordinators weren’t standard. Sex Education was the first program that employed me purely as an intimacy coordinator; they said, “We need you because of the content and the young cast.” We worked together to integrate how the process of the intimacy guidelines worked, particularly when it came to rehearsal time. When I say we need to rehearse, people always say, “You're taking up too much time.” In the early days, it was always that feeling of coming in and having to push back to get the time and space we needed.
This content is imported from YouTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
There’s some irony in people comparing intimacy coordinators to stunt coordinators. I'd say, “I need time to rehearse,” and then I’d see a note in the rehearsal schedule about a stunt rehearsal. I’d say, “That's what I need.” They would never talk about a stunt and say, “We'll give you the swords, we'll put you in front of the camera, and you'll just get on with it.” Everybody knows that's ridiculous, but that's the equivalent of what's happening with intimate content. Since April 2018, there’s been huge learning and huge development. There’s been constant professional interrogation of rewriting intimacy coordinators into the processes and protocols, but we're now consistently having the joy of acting as bystanders on amazing productions, and then producing the work safely.
ESQ: Walk me through the process of choreographing a scene with actors.
IO: This situation is best practiced before the filming event starts. The work is always about honoring the writing and the director's vision. In the case of I May Destroy You, for the scene of sexual assault in episode four, we were there with Paapa and Samson [Ajewole, who plays Malek], as well as with Sam Miller [co-director] and Michaela. Michaela kept saying, “And then this happens,” but I said, “That's not written. You've got every single detail absolutely clear, but why isn't this written?” She said, “I don’t want everybody to be reading that.” I said, “That’s what I need, and then I can give you the scene that you want.” Once we get all that detail, we can create a basic shape. What’s so important with a scene is what the positions will be. Once we know the shape, we agree on touch. Where can we touch? Where's your yes? Most importantly, where’s no? What's not in play? Once you know what body parts are in play, we walk through the scene, getting agreement and consent about positions and where to touch. We also put safety cushions in place—if you've got genital to genital contact, we'll put cushions in place so that during the rehearsal process, you’ll feel more comfortable.
It’s also about making sure that the details are right. One of the details with anal sex, for example, is the difference of legs parallel to legs in turnout. Samson would say, “It’s got to be legs in parallel.” If those details are wrong, the queer community will know. We have to make sure we’re honoring those details and getting them right. That much is all rehearsed, and then when it comes to the day on set, which is months later, I always reconnect with the director the night before, reconnect with the actors, evaluate any concerns, and reconnect with wardrobe. Back on set on the day of, it’s the same thing—touch base with the script, reread it, redefine it physically, and re-agree on consent. It’s about choreographing the beats and making sure that every single beat in the scene is honored and clocked, so that there's an absolutely clear and known physical structure. Once the performers know that and it comes time to film it, they can inject it with emotional beats.
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